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Cellie Conundrums

Ever have roommate troubles? I know that’s a rhetorical question, but seriously. I’m sure you can think of that one roommate who you thought you’d love, but turned out despising. Its natural, for hanging out with someone is one thing, but living with them is completely another. Well, prison is like this times ten, for you can never truly get away from them, and essentially live in a small bathroom together.

Thus, it is extremely important to find someone your compatible with. Especially in an environment like this, that is filled with violent and scandalous individuals. Although people tend to set their own ground rules with their cellie, one potential cause of conflict occurs every morning with one simple conundrum: You want to sleep, but your cellie has to poop.

In this situation, only one of two outcomes will occur. You’ll either jump out of bed and leave the cell, or your cellie will “shit on you.” Meaning he’ll drop the kids off at the pool while you happily sleep away, hopefully never waking up to find yourself trapped. Quivering underneath a blanket, trying desperately to elude the pungent fumes of another mans shit. Which has happened to me on several occasions.

It sucks to say the least, but it’s a reality you quickly get use to, as bad as that sounds. What are you suppose to do? When nature calls, there is no holding back. Besides, it can be painful otherwise. These are just the things that come along with living in a bathroom, and as I’m writing this, I can’t help but think how sad it is for me to justify basking in the fumes of another mans fecal excrement.

Moreover, try to imagine an average bathroom in an average home. Lets say, 6 by 11 ft, the exact size of my cell. I know, I measured it brick by brick. Now throw in 1 bunk bed, 2 lockers, 2 hard plastic chairs, a sink and a toilet. Wallah! Your now in my world. Two people live in this bathroom of a cell or house (not home for we don’t want to be here) as many people call it.

All of this makes it extremely difficult and practically an art form to maneuver around at the same time. God forbid you have a cellie that turns your house into the homie hangout. All the extra traffic may lead your cell to get raided. Make it cumbersome to use the bathroom. Dirty up the one and only place you can truly relax, and may lead to theft, which if not taken care of, will lead to violence.

I’m sure you can see a clear picture now. One must choose a cellie wisely, for a lot can go wrong. There are many possible cellie conundrums that can occur, but for now, I can rest assured that I have many of them handled. However, if you enjoyed this article, let me know by commenting down below and sharing this post on facebook by clicking the share now button!

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